Ho! Ho! Ho!

Merry Christmas!!!

Elijah and Toviel got to visit with Santa this Christmas season.

(Toviel was unimpressed. And a little freaked out.)

If you look closely at Santa and his round rosy red cheeks you can probably tell who it is. :)

We wish you a very merry Christmas!!

Kitchen Splash!

Pictures of the boys in the kitchen sink, as promised.

(Our lives seem so ridiculous to me right now.)

Talk about making memories!

Return of the blogger

I know, I know. It's been over 3 months since I've written. I'm sure people have stopped coming to my blog, tired of being faced with the same ol' last entry from way back when.

Regardless, I have decided to return to my blogging. I wanted to wait until I had a sense of permanancy in my life, but it is apparent that that may take a thousand years, so I am abandoning my hope of stability and attempting to return to my blogging while my life is in complete chaos. Not that I have any great bloggable material, so don't get your hopes up.
Great hope brings great disappointment.

I am currently homeless, and have been for the past 3 and a bit months, in Edmonton. It's not that we don't have a house. Au contraire. We do. We have this huge house that we are trying to ditch just outside of Calgary, but no one wants to buy it. Part of it is because the market is so soft and prices are dropping like flies (including our home that has come down $80,000 in the past 5 months) and part of it is because the universe hates me.
So back to Edmonton....we aren't homeless as in living on the street, but we don't have a permanent home and we are living out of 4 suitcases, jumping from one person's basement to the other trying to stay together as a family. The generosity of people we have met in Edmonton is staggering and I don't feel bad in saying that people in Edmonton are a thousand times nicer than people in Calgary, even though Edmonton has the second highest crime rate in all of Canada. I am struggling with this lack of "home" and despair over our house not selling. I am now settling into a discouraged mode of being convinced our house will never, ever, ever sell. Or at least that's what I tell myself. The truth is that every time Cris' cell phone rings (which is a lot) I instantly think, "Maybe it's Malcolm telling us we have an offer!!" but I don't say it because for the past 5 months I've had immense hope and it has gotten me no where and I don't want Cris to think I'm as flighty as I am (don't read that last sentence, Cris).

We are settling into our new church family and enjoying that whole process. We are still in the honeymoon stage though.
It's funny how one can be so jilted and promise oneself to never trust another churchy human being to be genuine and truthful with them and then be thrust into a new life with new people and run at them with open arms saying, "I love you! I love you!" I guess I'm so naive. It's probably my parents fault for showing me unconditional love that makes me think that people are innately good.

That is, in a nutshell, where we are now.


Things I like about Edmonton and our situation now are...

1. The whole family has to sleep together in the same room in the same bed. I'm a huge advocate of shared sleeping with your children. Cris has warmed up to the idea, but still likes his bed to be kid-free at night. Here he has no choice so we never argue about it.

2. We are making some mighty strong relationships mighty fast as we are living with people we may not otherwise ever connect with.

3. The space I am in charge of to keep clean is 300 times smaller than our house in Redwood.

4. We have cable tv for the first time in our married lives.

5. I don't have to drive half an hour to get to the grocery store and then another half hour to get home.

6. We qualify for the Leisure Access Pass which gives us free admission to all the City of Edmonton run recreational things, like the zoo and some of the swimming pools. Let's hear a woot-woot for being low-income! Now if we could just get a permanent Edmonton address so we could actually get these passes!

7. People here rock. And people close to here rock as well, like people in Camrose.


Things I don't like about Edmonton and our situation...

1. Obviously I'd like to be living with our stuff in our own place not worrying about where we will go next and what we will do if there is no next place to go to. I hate that Elijah misses his house and his toys and his space and cries about it a few times a week.

2. Edmonton has ugly powerlines and powerstations all over the place and the city planners should all be fired and all the retired city planners should be required to pay back 100% of their salaries.

3. Every Wednesday the city smells like poop. No joke. And occassionally other days as well.

4. The Parent Link Centers here absolutely suck.

5. The roads are in pretty bad condition. And I want to know what is up with all the construction horses. The City has some facination with putting these horses up in abundance in places where only one or sometimes none are needed. And a lot of the time it looks like a plane just flew overhead and dumped them on the ground. Come on people! At least put them up in an orderly fashion, neatly. It stresses me out to see fifteen contruction horses placed willy-nilly all over the road because it looks like something major is happening up ahead, but when you drive past you see that the only problem is that there is a chip out of the sidewalk.

6. I hate paying $1400 a month (sometimes more on those three-mortgage-payment-months) for a house that we aren't even living in and subsequently being unable to afford a place to rent, thus becoming a total mooch and relying on people to house us for free.

7. I have to bathe the kids in the kitchen sink. They like it, though, so it's not all that bad. (I'll try to post pictures)


I'm sure there's more to add to both, but I try not to dwell on the negatives too much because, well, that's just negative. And I try not to dwell on the positives too much because in a year from now when our house is still on the market, we may decide that we just can't do this anymore and move back to our house. Or I might end up in a looney bin crushed from stress and heavily medicated (been-there-done-that) and although that wouldn't be too too bad in itself, it would be horrible simply because I couldn't stand to be apart from my kids and my husband.

Ramble. Ramble. Ramble.

Oh well, it's not like I'm forcing you to read this you know.....

;P

My pretty name

My name is not a very common name. This has become more and more apparent to me the older I get.
It seems everywhere you go, you are now required to give your name. And I am seeing this more as Elijah is growing and I am attempting to register him for programs and playtimes.

One such place is just in a local mall. There is a really cool free "Kids at Play" place with a soft cushy floor and softish foamy vehicles and animals and structures for babies, toddlers and preschoolers to climb on, jump off of, slide down and run around. Whenever we go, I wonder how my name will get spelled.
Usually it gets spelled something like 'Donnell' or 'Donel' and occassionally 'Donelle'. What I don't get is why they use the male spelling 'Don' instead of the female spelling 'Dawn'. So, I have started to, on occassion, just shorten my name to avoid any confusion and tell them my name is just 'Dawn'. And you know what? Those people spell my pretend name 'Don'.

I had to return something to Canadian Tire last week. I tried to speak as clearly and deliberately as I could when telling the customer service representative my name. When I got the return receipt, I discovered that Canadian Tire thinks my name is 'Dona'.

The other day I was in Old Navy trying on some clothes. I do that from time to time. I have this gift card with some money still left on it, so why not hey? They also require your name to write it on the outside of the changing room door.
I told him my name was 'Dawn' and he also proceeded to write 'Don'. He got to the 'o' and I said, "Oh...it's a-w-n, not o-n."
"Oh!" he said, "Awn!" and he wrote A-w-n.
Then he looked me up and down as if he just wanted to see what a girl named Awn would look like.

I don't know why it bothers me so much that complete strangers just can't get my name spelled right. What's funny about it all, is on the times that I am patient enough to stand there and spell it for them, they write it out correctly and almost always without fail (if it's a woman) respond with "Oh...what a pretty name!"
No one thinks Donel or Donnel or Donelle or Donnel or Donnelle is a pretty name, or even Don or Dona or Awn; but Dawnelle, now that's a pretty name!

I won't even get started on the correct pronounciation of my name. It shouldn't be hard to pronounce...it's pretty straight forward, but the general population has an extremely hard time with it. But that's a rant I'll go on some other time.

Birthday #1

We celebrated Toviel's first birthday on July 27th. And then we celebrated it again on July 29th, just for kicks, with some of our friends.

Toviel loved his birthday.

Toviel loved his birthday cake!

You can see in the first picture he has just gotten a small taste and he's thinking its pretty sweet. I believe it was his first taste of whipped cream, which is why he looks pretty excited.

By the end of his cake time, he was totally into it. He was grabbing fistfulls of whipped cream and laughing and laughing. He was plucking those strawberries off the cake and shoving them whole into his mouth, chewing what he could and then spitting them out when he tired of them. And by the looks of it, he ate almost half of the entire cake! Well, he is a growing boy!

Good mess, little Tove. You've made me proud!

Oh....and Happy 1st Birthday!!!

Moving on up....North

So, it is official. Our house is up on the market. We are on the move again. It's the gypsy in us....can't stay in one house too long.
Our eyes are on Edmonton. Cris has accepted a youth pastor position in a church up there. The church is growing and thriving, so I guess that means Edmonton isn't as God-forsaken as I thought it was.

I think God has a sense of humor. Everytime we have gone up to Edmonton, I have had one consistent thought as we drove through it: "I am sure glad we don't live here!"

Now I am working on the next move already. I have told God under no terms will I move to Hawaii. No way, no how. Hopefully His sense of humor kicks in for our next move!

Playing with Fire(pit)

Elijah was playing in the firepit last week.

At the time, Cris was busy creating a beautiful walkway / patio in our yard and I was busy trying to de-clutter and clean the house and occupy our high-maintenance Toviel.

So, for sure....we were closely supervising him...totally. 100%. No doubt about it. C.L.O.S.E. supervision.

It didn't take Elijah long to realize his hands were getting dirty, so he came to the door and yelled, "Mommy!! Mommy!! I need to wash my hands!"

As I was taking his shoes off, I was telling him that his arms and clothes and face were all dirty too. I held him up to the mirror so he could see the soot on his face. FREAK OUT! That's what he did. My little clean freak doesn't like being dirty.

When I was washing his hands off, he was using self-talk to calm himself down. Then he turned to me and said, "It's no big deal, mommy. Just don't hold my face up to the mirror." Out of sight, out of mind I guess.

Influence

My first born is a happy mixture of myself and my husband.

At a mere 3 years old, he is emulating parts of us. Today Elijah displayed many of his daddy's characteristics and mannerisms to me. One of these such mannerisms made me giggle, and I'm still chuckling about it.

We were at a large local mall today. Elijah loves pressing the button beside the handicapped doors to make them open, and I encourage it because it's so much easier to get in the door with a stroller and two kids when it automatically opens for you.

As we approached the door today, Elijah said with excitement, "I'm going to press the button, okay?"

"Sure!" I said.

As he pressed the button and the door started to open, he stretched his arm out and pointed in the direction of the door. In a low, serious voice he said "I used my Jedi powers."

He is definately his father's son!


Then at the food court I pulled out an entire english cucumber, peeled and sliced and ready to munch on.

Elijah had polished the whole thing off before I had gotten any. Then he was begging for more cucumber, even though he had already stuffed the entire cucumber into his little 3 year old tummy.

He is definately his mother's son!

Farewell Dear Janey

I am so sad.









You'd think I'd be happy because I set out to do something and my task has been accomplished, but I am so sad....

...and feeling a little guilty.

I sold our car.

Like, just now....just half an hour ago.

Someone came to pick her up and she is gone. Our dear red 1990 Ford Escort LX. Her name is Janey. She has been a part of our lives for 10 years and 2 months. And we ditched her for a small wad of cash. And I mean small. BooHoo!!!!!!

We always thought we were going to drive her into the ground. I feel like I betrayed her. I totally sold out, for $400.

I even shed a few tears momentarily.

But we have a new addition in our family that will help us get over our loss. We purchased a 2000 Grand Caravan. We have joined the ranks of our fellow mini-van-owning friends, and now I feel like a real parent, doing parenty things like driving a mini-van.

But give me time, big Grand Caravan, to be excited about you, because I am grieving the loss of faithful Janey. Poor ol' faithful Janey.

A Compliment

Someone asked me if Elijah was my brother.

Would that be considered a compliment?

Would it still be considered a compliment if it was a 3-year old who asked me?

Competition

Today was blood donation day. And finally, after a long period of time, I was able to join in.

Cris donates blood faithfully. I am not so faithful. My excuse for this is a valid one though, because you aren't supposed to donate when you are pregnant and there is a waiting time after you are no longer pregnant that you are not allowed to donate. For me, this waiting time is longer than average because my blood type is RH negative, so I have to get a shot when I am pregnant in case my babies have RH positive blood. This shot (Rhogam) is actually a blood product, so I have to wait a year from receiveing this shot until I am eligable to donate again.

Today I was finally eligable. I gave my 37th pint of precious blood. I was pretty proud of myself. 37 donations is not too shabby.

My bubble was burst, however, when I saw Cris getting his picture taken with a piece of paper saying, "Congratulations and on your 50th donation."


I used to have a competition with Cris (not really a competition though, since he didn't know about it) as to who could donate the most.

I was always 1 ahead of him because I donated the first time without him.

Then, my iron level was too low for me to donate one time. So we were par with each other.

Then, I was sick one time when we were scheduled to donate. Down by 1.

Then, a miracle happened and Cris' iron was too low, so we were neck to neck again.

Then, I got pregnant. And I was surpassed.

Then I got pregnant again. Now I am totally defeated. I will never catch up.

Oh well. I've been pregnant twice...grown 2 babies from 2 cells to almost 20 pound curious balls of fun. He will never beat that! I win!!

14 years later

Today is the 14th anniversary of Cris and my first date together.

Is it weird that I know that?

Is it weird that I sort of celebrate it by thinking about it all day long and patting myself on the back for persuing the fabulous Cristin Block? (It was I who took Cris on a date...to see Jurassic Park...and it was awesome! Not only that, but it was my first date ever.)

14 years later, I am so thankful for Jurassic Park and the $20 that I spent on a movie date instead of buying food for the rest of the month. It was so worth it!

The O.C.

I must say that God did a great job when he made the Oregon Coast. White sandy beaches, a pounding ocean, huge rocks jutting out of the ocean...

...What more could you want? What else is worthy of 391 pictures taken on our camera? (I know that probably doesn't seem like much to you, MJ). I LOVE the ocean!
It turns out that Toviel loves the beach. As in, he loves to eat it. It took Elijah a little longer to warm up to the beach. The first day there I asked him if he liked the sand. "No," he said.
"What about the ocean?"
"No, I don't like the ocean," he replied.
"Oh," I said. "Well, is there anything at the beach that you DO like?"
"Yah," he said, "I like our car."

By the end, though, he was having lots of fun.


Being in the States, several differences between Canada and the USA struck me that I never noticed before (not that I spend oodles of time in the States or anything)....

1) They don't have coffee shops. They have espresso shops. And they all seem to be drive-thru espresso shops.

2) Cement. Tons and tons of cement. Their on and off ramps to overpasses extend ten times as far as ours. And they stack their roads! One on top of the other!

3) 4 lane highway? What's a 4 lane highway in the states? Probably a side street. Their highways are 8 lanes wide.


We traversed 3500 km in just 4 days, which was probably the worst part of the trip. Driving 4 entire out of 9 days away sort of sucked. What amazes me, apart from the fact that I survived that, was that my kids survived it. Not only did they survive it, they survived it with little to no fussing.
Elijah watched the Cars Movie a thousand times (well, he actually just likes the watch the races, so he watches the beginning and then fast forwards to the end and does that over and over and over again), and Toviel slept about a thousand hours. I would say that there was a few minutes of fussing here and there, but I think I probably fussed just as much.
By the end of the trip, I paid little regard to the speed limit and saw 2 cars ahead of us on 2 seperate occassions take the fall for us. So we didn't even have to pay for our speeding permit. :)

Incommunicado

Okay. Is that a real word? Incommunicado? Did I even spell that right? Incommunicado? Does incommunicado mean that I won't be communicating with anyone for a while? If it does, than I will be incommunicado for the next little while. Whatever. I don't have the energy to try to figure out if my spelling and word choices are correct or if the word I chose to use even exists. It sounds vaguely familiar to my fogged over mush-mind.

I'm totally excited because we are going to the Oregon Coast. How cool is that? It's totally cool, that's how cool. I can't wait to taste the surf and dig my toes into the sand. This is the first "real" vacation we have ever gone on. Well, I guess it's our second if you include our honeymoon to Edmonton (???). We have never gone on vacation where our destination wasn't to visit extended family. This time, we are only passing through extended family to get to our final destination. Don't get me wrong....I like to visit family. But every once-in-a-while (I guess that translates into every 10 years for us so far) it's nice to go on a vacation just with our family, and do vacation-y things like stay in a campground and at a hotel on the beach.

I bought Elijah some sandals a couple days ago and he immediately began his "I don't want to put my feet in the water" banter. And I'm pretty sure I can read Toviel's thoughts and I think I heard him say "Throw me in the ocean, baby! I'm soooo ready for it!"

Aging Gracefully

I recall not too long ago I saw a commercial on TV for some anti-aging cream. There was a relatively famous person promoting this anti-aging cream (not too famous because I didn't know who they were, but famous enough that they put her name on the corner of the screen along with her age). What got me was this woman was 27 and she said something about fighting the signs of aging. Twenty-seven!!

Aging at 27?, I thought. Really?

I got thinking about it and started to feel a little down since I'm 32 and haven't really thought about the whole aging process and how I do have fine lines all over my face. I looked in the mirror and was quite surprised to see how these lines of expression have snuck up on me. So I've been thinking (in a very unserious, non-commital way) that maybe I should look into some skin care regime, or at the very least, some simple makeup!

This got thrown out the window last Sunday when a congregational member of our church came up to me after the service when I was holding my 2nd born child and kissing him all over his head. She said, "You the bass player aren't you?" "Yeah!" I smiled. It's nice to be noticed sometimes. "Wow!" she said, "I thought you were a teenager, but I see now you have a baby and can't possibly be a teenager." I smiled and said, "Thank you!" emphatically.

I know her statement is actually quite ignorant, because I CAN be a teenager and still have a baby, but that's not the point. The point is, she thought I was a teenager, which would make me at the most 19 years old. But, I'm 32. So now I don't feel so bad about the fine lines on my face.

Let's Laugh

Who doesn't like to laugh?

I found some funny pictures I wanted to share....enjoy!

Say again?


Keeping off this grass should be a peice of cake!

Speed....I am speed!

What about spelling?

*********************** So did this get messed up because the guy was up all night doing "arithetic" or was he up all night gambling?

*

Enough said.

I'm confused...

SOTP! No Enrty!! Arithetic beyond this point!

What did he do? Was he drinking shakes in public again?

Make up your mind!

Um...uh...well...um...er...

How would one write for help if one was illiterate?

Good job!!

Looks like a show down between FedEx and UPS. I think UPS won.




Dang...sounds like a fun wedding.

Don't drink and make signs!




Aw, come one! Let me touch just one!

This is quite the dilemma.

Cows fall off the cliff and hit cars so often, that there is a permanent sign made to warn travellers. Wow.

So do I stop? Or not?

Yes, prompt attention would be given most anywhere when you drop your pants.

Sounds like a good deal doesn't it? Wait until they go to college and you're forking out the dough for tuition!

Snow!

Today is May 24th. This is what I woke up to this morning....

...You should feel sorry for me.

Installing Toviel

The other day Cris was working on the computer while Toviel was playing quietly and contently....excuse me - he was playing loudly, but contently...at Cris' feet.

Suddenly, a window popped up on the computer. It said "Found new hardware" and was attempting to install this new-found hardware.

Cris was momentarily confused, wondering to himself what the computer had found and what it was trying to install. Looking around, he saw Toviel sucking on the end of the cable that connects our camera to our computer.

Our computer was trying to install our son. Hm.

A Kid With A Dream

I have recently learned about a boy named Shane who is turning 8 at the end of this month.
He is battling acute lymphoblastic leukemia.

His wish for his birthday is to receive the world record of birthday cards.
What an easy-squeezy dream to fulfill if we all pitch in.
Here are the details:

The Rewards

Today I was kneeling on the ground when Elijah came up behind me, wrapped his arms around my neck and buried his head into my hair.
Then he said, "I love you mommy."

Then he took off running, continuing his hunt for dinosaurs.

That moment is forever embedded in my brain.

Big, Big Spenders (A Load of Freebies!)

You know Spring is here when Garage Sales start popping up.

Today we went Garage Sale-ing. We went to a big community association garage sale, a big church garage sale, and a couple single-family garage sales.

We bought some barbeque tools in almost-new-condition, a little toy car, a monster truck, a "Princess House" handblown crystal oil lamp (never used, still in the box), a junior sized hockey stick, 2 styrofoam gliders in their packages, "The Worst Case Scenerio Survival Game", and about 60 back-packs and bags. Yes, I did say 60.

All told, we spent $2.00.

I don't know how we got all that stuff for $2.00.

The back-packs and bags were free. Nobody buys those things at garage sales. And 2 of the garage sales were just coming to a close and people were talking about throwing them in the dumpster. Cris said he would take as many as he could fit in the car, and the response of the garage sale makers was one of excitement and glee. "Yes! Yes! Take them! Take them all!" He recycles bags and back-packs. He takes all the clips and strapping off of them and uses them to make paintball gear...

He has been sewing these (and many other) custom drop-down leg holsters for paintball guns along with other paintball gear. A couple guys are even after him to make them a custom bag for their paintball guns and gear. Anyways, the clips and strapping are quite expensive to buy from a store, but they are free if you rob them from free back-packs.

We spent more money on 2 slurpees today than we did on a car load of garage sale gems!

Then we went out for supper since we were in Calgary and beginning to get that grumpy I-don't-care-about-anything-I'm-just-so-hungry-that-I-can't-think-and-I'm-getting-awfully-mad sort of hunger (I get that honestly from my dad).

While we were eating our meal, I said to Cris, "Wouldn't that be cool if our waiter came by and said 'Today we are having a special promotion and dessert is included with your meal at no extra charge.'?"
Literally 10 seconds later, our waiter came by to ask if everything was okay. It was at that exact second that Cris noticed one of his tomato slices still had the sticker on it. So he pointed it out to the waiter who responded very apologetically with a hint shock, disgust, and embarrasment. He left with the tomato and the manager came by about 2 minutes later and offered us a free dessert because Cris had a sticker on his tomato slice.

So we did get a free dessert. And boy oh boy was it ever so good. *smack*

It was a good day for freebies today.

Social Activism

So....
I go to a postpartum depression group once a week - Mondays to be exact.
A couple Monday's ago was a hard day for me. Not because I was having difficulty, but because there was a new woman there, and her story was overwhelming.

This is how it goes:
She and her husband moved to Canada from the Netherlands in December 2006. She was 6 months pregnant at the time. Her husband was not legally allowed to work, but she was, so she went to work right away. She worked 60 hours a week for 6 weeks, then her daughter was born prematurely.
She had a horrible birth experience.
Her husband will be considered for a working visa later this year. First he has to re-write his English test in June. Then they have to wait 3-6 months (or more knowing our government) to get approved before he can start looking for a job.
So, since this woman can work and her hubby can't, she has gone back to work already. Her daughter is only 9 weeks old.
This woman also has 2 masters degrees, but of course she has to get a low-paying job because she is an immigrant and can't get a job in her field of expertise yet. So she is working at a Co-op grocery store.
Their savings are running out and will be gone in 2 months. Her husband found the place they are currently living in. The rent is way to expensive for them. Her husband will not look for a cheaper place to live, so now this woman has to begin the search because practically speaking they cannot live where they are any longer.

Listening to her speak caused me to feel totally overwhelmed. How do you adjust to all that? All at once? No wonder this woman is suffering from depression. Her life circumstances suck right now! And, she has a brand new daughter who she can't really bond with.

Another woman got up and brought ME some tissue as this woman was telling her story.

At the end of the group, we have to pick one task to accomplish during the week. This task must be only for ourselves, "self-care" they call it. This is because women with postpartum depression suck at taking care of themselves. This woman said she couldn't think of anything. The only thing she could think of, she couldn't do. She likes to watch the TV series "The Gilmore Girls" but she can't because it is on Tuesday nights and she has to work that night. And she has no VCR to record it.

I can't get her out of my head. And I don't even know her name. I mean, she said her name, but it was some sort of strange viking, Netherlands name that I didn't understand, probably can't pronounce, and of course can't remember.

I came home and told Cris about her. He said we should have them over for supper and give them a break from the regular grind of day-to-day living. But, of course there is a rule in the group that you can't be friends while you are in the group, the reason being that nothing brings a depressed person down faster than another depressed person.

So, feeling like I wanted to help, I set out to find this woman a VCR so she could do something for herself that she enjoyed. I don't really know anyone from our church, and I felt unsure of who to ask. I ended up placing a want ad for a VCR on Kijiji Calgary telling a tiny bit of this woman's situation. I got 3 responses back! I was actually surprised! The first response was from someone who had a VCR to give to me for free. The second response was from someone who wanted to give this woman some gently used baby girl clothes. The third response was from someone who could probably find a VCR, wanted to donate some baby girl clothes, and was going to throw in a gift card from a grocery store!
So I coordinated picking these items up last weekend and brought them with me to my postpartum group on Monday.

I spoke to the group leader and told her what I wanted to do, but of course that I wanted to do it anonymously. I was nervous that she would receive the items poorly or that she would feel needy or incompetent or think that I thought she was needy or incompetent. So the group leader came up with cunning way to give her these items without actually giving them to her. She said at the beginning of the group, "Someone has donated some items. They are on the back table. There is a VCR there. Um....hmmm...Hey M (I know the Netherlands woman's name starts with an M, but I can't remember the rest of it) weren't you saying last week that you didn't have a VCR? Well...there's one here for you if you want. There's also some baby girl clothes in a box back there that you can help yourself to." Netherlands woman is the only one with a baby girl. The rest of us have baby boys. So this gave her opportunity to go take the items instead of having someone give them to her. And she did. She took everything. I kept hearing her say "wow" as she was looking through the stuff.

What made me really happy was that Netherlands woman shared during the group that they had bought a barbeque last weekend. I'm hoping that's a sign that their financial situation is starting to look up.

At the end of all this, I did get a mini-lecture from the group leader. She said it in a very nice way. She said, "Dawnelle, I want to give you permission to leave everybody else's junk at group. You don't have to take it home with you..."
I had already done a lot of thinking about my motivation for helping this woman. Was I trying to rescue her? Did I feel responsible for her? Was this just the Christian response? Or did I just want to give her a boost with an act of kindness?

I decided I felt no obligation, I just wanted to do a little something for another hurting person. So I did. And I think it's really cool that 3 other complete strangers partnered with me to help this woman!!

Cake & Toys

It was Elijah's 3rd Birthday on Saturday!!

He loved his birthday cake! It was an angel food race track with real die-cast metal cars from Cars: The Movie on top.

Cool! Cake AND toys! You can see him in the picture eyeing the cars on the top of the cake.


Earlier this month I asked him who he wanted to come to his birthday party.

"Um...Daddy!" he said.
"Who else?" I asked.
"Mommy!" he replied.
"Okay. Who else?"
"Toviel!"
"Hmmm. Anyone else?" I prodded.
"Miss Megan!" he said. Megan is a friend of mine.
"What about some kids?"
"Naw." He said.
I think Elijah has figured out that adults are more fun because he always gets his way when he plays with adults.


Toviel also had a shot at some cake.
His first reaction was complete and utter disgust.
No gagging though, so that's a good sign.
He didn't taste any, but he did get his hands goopy without too much of a fuss.
Baby steps, baby!

Happy 3rd Birthday Elijah!!!

R-E-L-I-E-F!

Ah! Do you know what spells r-e-l-i-e-f?

Getting your taxes done on time, that's what.

I got all our taxes done in less than 3 hours today (including interruptions from the nurslings) and e-filed with almost a full 2 hours to spare before the deadline!!

And it would have taken me less time if I didn't have these freakin' T3's to deal with and trying to find out what the heck box 42 means and what to do with the numbers in it. It's hard when you're trying to figure out capital gains/losses when you don't even know what a capital anything is except for maybe a capital Pain In The Ass. Next year I will know better...

But for now, bring on the moo-lah Mr. Taxman. Bring-it-on!

Up-to-date kinds of electron.

This was in my email inbox today.
I'm trying to make sense of it...

"Dear sir/madam:
We are the ebayer, now, for lose the ebay fee, our found a website for everybody. The we sell many up-to-date kinds of electron. For example:mp3,mp4,laptop computer, TV,and other things. We are much too glad to serve for you . We believed we are the best, Also believed you can intend to harvest in our store, believed we and you."

I like the part that says I can intend to harvest in their store.

Flames Fan

Toviel was very excited about the game tonight.

He was adorned in his Flames jersey, looking oh-so-cute. I could tell he was on edge for part of the game because he was anxiously chewing on his soother and saying "Da!" over and over and over again.

When the Flames came out on top 3-2, Tove gave me this look. His eyes said that one day he would be a famous NHL hockey player and be able to totally take care of us in our old age. I told him not to worry because Elijah was going to be an awesome drummer in some big-hit band, so we were already well taken care of. Great pension plan - eh?

Go Flames! Go!

Flourescent GREEN cast

Yesterday we went back to Alberta Children's Hospital to get Elijah's leg looked at again. Since they don't have enough ortho doctors or ortho techs, they have no ortho clinic and the only way you can get your child in to see an ortho doctor and tech is to go through Emergency. The wait yesterday almost killed me. But on the up side, we got to indulge in some sweet potato fries that I have been wanting to try, but the last 3 times that we've been at ACH they had not had the option of fries available. Delish! *smack*

The tech sawed Elijah's cast off and he went for another x-ray. He had to have another cast put on. This time, Elijah chose the flourescent green color. And this time, the cast is below his knee instead of above his knee. He has to have it on for another 2 weeks. I'm totally bummed that he will have a cast on for his 3rd birthday.

I was able to peek at my son's x-rays. He has beautiful bones. It has me so amazed that a person grows from an itty bitty 2-celled being into a breathing, fully formed child, bones and all. There is a little grey shadowy line on his tibia that shows where the fracture is. It is tiny. A "toddler's" fracture, as the orthopedic doc said.

Spinning Tales

Today I am tired of the sound of my own voice.

Elijah has recently started to enjoy making up and telling stories and he likes to take turns with me or whoever else is willing to do this with him. I spent the majority of my day telling and listening to stories about monster trucks, diggers, race cars, dinosaurs, whales, and little boys.

My favorite one by far was a story Elijah told me. It goes like this:

"Last time, there was a Stegasaurus. He was eatin' grass and leaves. And then there was a Tyrannasaurus Rex eatin' him. The End."

Short and sweet.

Flourescent Orange Cast

We had to take Elijah to Children's Hospital today. He went in looking pretty normal, but he came out with a cast on his leg. A bright flourescent orange one. He got to pick the color.

Last night Elijah and Cris were wrestling in normal father-son manner. Elijah was on Cris' back and proceded to slide down and land on his feet. He did just that. He landed on his feet. Hard. It was hard enough to give him a spiral fracture, which apparently 3 year olds are very prone to.

I feel very sad right now. Not because my little boy has a cast on his leg and is basically immobile and very whiney, but because while we were at the hospital there was a code blue in the emergency room - the children's hospital emergency room. That just shouldn't happen...

Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!

I have taken on a new task in our household of late. And it is because of all the freakin' snow that's been falling from the sky. Shovelling. Shovelling snow. Yeehaw.

The truth is, I actually quite enjoy shovelling the snow. It's kind of twisted. I've been asking myself what I like about it, and I think I've figured it out.

When I come in from shovelling the snow, I feel good. It's good exercise. And I never exercise, so it's good for my body to get out there and move that snow. I love the way exercising makes me feel, but I think exercising just for the sake of exercising (like running, aerobics, going the the gym) is a waste of time. I guess that's because I don't have time for exercise unless it accomplishes something else besides just exercising. So by shovelling the snow, I not only get some exercise, but I also accomplish something.

I also like the fact that I can do a crappy job and it doesn't really matter. Because it's just going to snow again. And then I will shovel again. Or, it will just melt, and all evidence of my hard work will just vanish, hence I don't have to do my best and get every little snowflake off our driveway and walkway.

I told this to someone this week, and was asked by them if I was a perfectionist. I think that is an odd question. It's redundant, because no matter who you are, if you are telling the truth the answer is always no. If anyone says they are a perfectionist, they are lying.
Why, you ask? Well....let me tell you.

If you are not a perfectionist, then you simply are not, so the answer is no.

If you are a perfectionist, you realize that nothing you do is absolutely perfect. In fact, you probably think that most things that you do fall very very short of being perfect. So you must not be a perfectionist because nothing you do is perfect. (And if you think that most things you do are perfect, then you definately aren't a perfectionist, because if you really were a perfectionist, you'd see all the shortcomings and find fault in most things that you do.) So, the answer again is no.

Wrap your mind around that one.

So, I told this person that no, I was not a perfectionist.

Super Power Smackdown

Our appointment with the neurologist went well.

She asked us a lot of questions and examined Toviel very thoroughly. She even examined his skin with a UV light to check for abnormalities that are sometimes associated with what they thought could be Toviel's problem.

After her examination, her sweet words rang in my ear, "Toviel's EEG was completely normal." and she proceeded to explain what they were looking for and what they didn't find.

She slightly suspected he was exhibing signs of infantile spasms, which is apparently very serious and needs to be treated promptly. She thought the EEG results would come back normal, but since these spasms are serious, she wanted to rule it out.

The verdict is that Toviel does not have infantile spasms. She believes he has something called.....um....I can't remember...something like....um.....stereotypic movements....yeah. I think that's what she said. Stereotypic movements. She said they are benign and he will likely grow out of them. I hope she's right.

The neurologist did mention that Toviel has very mature brain waves. But no mention of super powers. Awww, shoot.

The measured strength of the brain

Toviel had his appointment for his EEG today at Alberta Children's Hospital. It was at 1:30 pm and we arrived with Toviel well fed and well rested.

It was then that we were informed that Toviel was supposed to arrive tired because he was supposed to sleep during the EEG. oops.

"It's okay," the technician said, "maybe you could try to lull him into sleep or at least a sleepy state by nursing him." Great, his tank had just been topped up only a few minutes prior to his appointment. Double oops.

It seems we weren't told the appropriate information.

After the technician got the electrodes all stuck to Toviel's head (quite traumatic for him) she wrapped his head in bandages of gauze to keep it all in place and told me to try to put him to sleep by cuddling and nursing him. Now, he rarely goes to sleep while nursing and he most often falls asleep while I lightly stroke and tickle his head, which was all bandaged up at that moment. I was feeling pretty defeated before the EEG even started.

But I worked my mommy-charm and I had that little baby asleep in my arms in 20 minutes. And when Baby T spat that soother out of his mouth and flashed me a little "sleep grin", it took all that was in me to not laugh. And when my entire left leg fell asleep from toe to hip it took all that was in me to not move it around so the blood could flow again, and when the bed rail was digging into my back and making a permanent indent in my skin, it took all that was in me to just grit my teeth and stay motionless for the remainder of the test. Then, Toviel started to kick his leg up and down, then his eyes opened up and he gave me that wonderful I'm-so-happy-to-see-you-it's-been-such-a-long-time-since-I've-seen-you coo just 5 minutes after falling asleep. And I breathed a sigh of relief and giggled, moved my leg and scootched away from the bed rail.

Just before the end of the test, I had to force Toviel's eyelids closed for 5 seconds twice. The second time I did it, Toviel's eyelid strength overcame my finger strength and he peeked one of his eyes open. I told the technician and she said, "Oh, I know. I could see it on the screen." I was amazed that she could see his brain waves change with a simple eye opening. She said that he had very strong brain waves and that with some people the brain wave change wouldn't be so obvious. I was very proud of my strong-brain-waved son. Way to go Tove!

After the test was complete, the technician, knowing we lived out of town, wanted to see if we had an appointment booked to see the neurologist. So she took me down the hall and asked if they could check. Sure enough, we were booked in for 3 pm that day (it was 2:45 when I found out). I'm sure glad the EEG tech was on her toes, otherwise we'd have just come right back home and missed our appointment that no one had told us about.

Stay tuned to hear what the neurologist had to say....
Do Toviel's strong brain waves indicated he is advanced and will be a prodigy? (did I spell that right? As you can see, I'm no prodigy. prodagy? prodaigie? pradigie? praudigee?)
Does Little Toviel have super-human powers locked up in that little brain of his??

We're off to see the doctor...

Lately I have spent a lot of time at the doctors office.

The last 3 trips I made were for Toviel. I took him in this time because he had a horrible cough that I was certain should be cause for concern. It was a terrible, barky cough and at night when I would pick him up during a coughing fit it felt like his ribs were continually compressing and briefly preventing his lungs from taking in any air. And he's so tiny, it's enough to break anyone's heart.

At the doctor's office I joked about how many times I had been there in the past few months with appointments for myself and for my boys. I said to the receptionist, "They say with your second child you are more relaxed. I don't know about that."

The receptionist responded with a smirk on her face, "Well, you are supposed to be more relaxed, but YOU aren't!"

Ouch.

I wanted to go kick her in the shins. Especially after I had seen the doctor.

It turns out Toviel's lungs are fine. His upper lungs are a little muddled, but his lower lungs sound clear. But, the doctor pointed out that I had done the right thing in bringing him in.

Then, since I'm such a multi-tasker, I said to the doctor I was concerned about something else as well. "I've noticed some odd movements that Toviel has been making," I explained. I tried to describe them and demonstrate them, but I could tell from the doctor's expression that I wasn't doing that great of a job explaining his movements, I was only doing a bang-up job at making myself look like a fool.

"I video-taped them," I finally said, "and I have my camera and the tape with me, all cued up. Would you like to see it?"

I am an ultra prepared person.

Usually.

Although I wasn't ultra prepared or even just regular prepared that time that Elijah had a voiding accident while we were in Calgary and we had to gird him in a pair of Toviel's pants - it was amusing to see a 2 & 1/2 year old wear size 3-6 month pants. But that's another story. This time I was prepared. Ultra-ly.

The doctor did want to take a look.

"Hmmmmmm," he said after watching the footage, while scratching his face. After a short pondering, he told me he'd like me to take Toviel in to see a neurologist and maybe get an EEG done on him. I felt some release of tension when he said those words. Most people would be the exact opposite. They'd start freaking out when their family doctor wanted to refer their 8 month old baby to a neurologist. But I was already freaking out and had been freaking out for a couple weeks. That's why I videotaped it and brought it in for the doctor to take a look at in the first place. If he'd have blown me off as some sort of freak who was over-worried and wound up like his stupid receptionist did, my worry would only increase (not sure if that's even humanly possible). And I might have kicked both him and his receptionist in the shins.

I have never been to a neurologist before. Not that I know of anyways. We are going tomorrow morning. My hope is that the neurologist laughs and says it's just a shudder or shiver that happens all the time in children who have exhibited incredible signs of being super advanced and super-human, with real super powers and everything. That would be cool. It would especially be cool if one of Toviel's super powers was time control. Because that would be my super power if I could choose one.

Impressions

Baby T made a good, honest effort to sing today in church. It wasn't terribly musical and was more just screaming at the highest pitch he could reach with the loudest volume he could create, even with his terrible cough and cold which I'm sure is accompanied by a sore throat.

I was impressed.

When the music stopped, he quieted down. When I say "quieted down" I don't actually mean he was quiet, but he got quieter. And his voice got lower and he did more babbling than actual screaming so I didn't have to dismiss myself and take him out. I don't mean "take him out" in a lethal war-like shooting rampage, I mean "take him out" as in take him out into the foyer. So he doesn't disturb people. That kind of "take him out". *ahem*


I was also impressed by Elijah and his reasoning skills the other day.

He was also screaming at an alarming pitch while running around and playing. (Our house is a lovely place to be.) I asked him what he was playing. He responded that he was a dragon-something-or-other. I can't remember his exact words.
"But why are you screaming?" I asked.
"Because I can!!" He replied.

Parenting and Potato

I have decided to write a book on babies and parenting babies. I already have my outline. Take a look. What do you think?

Introduction - Welcome to parenthood. mwaaa haa haa haa haa.
Chapter 1 - Your baby is unique.
Chapter 2 - Your baby is different from any other baby.
Chapter 3 - All books out there on babies and parenting are useless because all babies and parents are different from one another.
Chapter 4 - Follow your heart while parenting because it is likely that all the [good] advice out there just won't work on your baby because s/he is not like any other baby.
Chapter 5 - You're on your own when it comes to being a parent.
Chapter 6 - The only 'advice' that works is to love your baby and err on the side of kindness.
Chapter 7 - Good luck and try not to screw up your kid.
Conclusion

I'm not sure what to call my book yet. But I'll keep you posted.
--------------------------------------------------------------

Toviel tried some pureed sweet potato today. It is his first food fed to him on a spoon. The only other thing he's eaten (besides paper) is avocado.

So far, Tove finds food revolting. So revolting, in fact, that he cannot eat without scowling, gagging, frowning, curling his lips up, and then eventually throwing it all up. All 3 of the teeny tiny spoonfuls of sweet potato.

I think he has sections in his tummy that allow him to selectively rid his body of things he doesn't want while allowing him to keep down the stuff he wants to keep down. He had just sucked down his sweet and delicious mama milk less than 5 minutes prior to being introduced to sweet potato. And as far as I could tell, there was no milk in his emesis. Just rejected sweet potato.

I don't recall introducing Elijah to food this traumatic. I remember he would happily eat it. Anything. Everything.

But Toviel is not like Elijah. Elijah is not like Toviel. And this is the whole premise for my book. When I get around to writing it...someday...
In the meantime, hit me over the head with something heavy if I ever give you parenting advice.

Return of the bass chick

Today I got to play on the worship team in our new church.

It was awesome.

Dust off the old bass (guitar)...get a little groove on...and worship the great I Am.

Not only that, but the team did a kickin' job of jivin' together, and 4 people, well 5 including my dearest fan and husband, commented on the bang up job I did. And I'm no good at playing...I just love to do it. It's so freakin' fun. So freakin' fun. And so good for my spirit too. And so so freakin' fun.

I think I might even practice this week. No - wait a minute - we have company this week. Next week. Next week I will practice a bit at home. Yeehaw!!

Do Tell....

Lately I have been feeling alot of turmoil inside. But over the past couple weeks that feeling has been replaced with peace. That is surprising to me because up until a couple weeks ago I was very angry, vengeful, demanding God for justice, and wishing that I could wish (with a clear conscience) bad things on a few people. But now, I just feel very peaceful.
So now I'm going to write my version about what went down with our church. And since I feel at peace with it, my thoughts won't be clouded with hate and I hope I can portray that as I write.

I know that some people are confused about what has happened, some people are concerned, and some people are just curious. So this is for you, if you are one of those people who want to know.

Brace yourself. This will be long. Maybe you want to go fix yourself something to eat.....

In November 2006, Cris was called to a council meeting. Cris was told they just wanted to check in with him and see how the youth ministry was doing. That's cool. You see, the youth ministry was community based. Out of the (approximately) 50 kids involved, only 3 had parents in the church. So the youth group was comprised mostlyof unchurched kids whose, in most cases, only connection to The Church was through the BC3 youth ministry. So the people in our church didn't see much of the youth ministry at all since none of it happened on Sundays and only 5 kids from the youth ministry regularly attended our church. So this was a legit reason for the council to hold a meeting with Cris.

At the meeting, Cris gave a full report on how the minstry was doing and answered all the questions. They all seemed satisfied. BC3 Youth Ministries was very successful. As the meeting came to a close, it was brought up that some of the older people in the church had been offended by Cris. Cris' response was to find out who these people were and to meet with them and work things out and reconcile with them. His attitude was that if someone was hurt by him, he needed to know who so he could find out what he did that hurt them, apologize, reconcile, and prevent it from happening again. The council would not disclose any names. Okay, fine. Then Cris said that the council needed to bring these people to Cris if they would not come to Cris themselves or if Cris could not go to them himself because he didn't know who they were nor what he had done to offend them. That was the end of the meeting. My response to Cris was, "Who cares if you've offended some old fowgies in the church? You aren't their pastor." Ahhhh...what great pastor's-wife advice. I had just seen so much good come out of the stuff that Cris was investing his life into. I love it when the runaway teen, who even though they have made it clear that they don't want to follow God, will still call us and come stay with us until they can work things out with their parents. I love that 7 previously unsaved youth had accepted God's saving grace. I love that teenage new christians constantly ask questions and that Cris is able to teach them. I love that Cris was intensely mentoring and discipling many youth. And the rest of the church didn't get to see much of what God was doing in the youth of our community.

Then early January, the Sr Pastor, Dave, said to Cris "I've been avoiding you. There are still murmurings within the council about you." Cris told Dave he had to stop these murmurings and help Cris get to the root of the problem. If the council wouldn't help Cris reconcile to any of these people then Dave should help him by bringing these people to Cris.

On January 16th Cris had a meeting with Dave and RW (a council member). They talked about the weather for a couple minutes, then RW handed Cris a letter and said that it was time for him to leave. The letter said that Cris had two options. Either he would be terminated without cause effective immediately (that day) and be give 3 months severence, or he could resign and his last day would be January 31st and he would get 4 months severence. Wow. Where did this come from? It came from out of the blue.

Cris' response (amidst the shock, anger, hurt, disbelief) was that he needed more time than that. He felt that practically speaking they were asking him to do the impossible. He asked for an extention. His first preference was that he leave the end of June. It was a natural time of transition at the end of the school year and it would be easier on the youth ministry. He was concerned for the youth that he was mentoring and counselling regularly. He said failing that he needed at least until the end of February. They came back and said his last day would be February 14th. They took away his option of resigning but still offered 4 months of severence. The reason for this was because he could not collect EI if he resigned and they felt as though it would be better for him to have his employment simply terminated without cause.

Cris then called Head Office and talked with Pope John. Now, he actually is not a Pope, but that is what everyone calls him. The Pope had not been informed that Cris' employment was being terminated. He had not even been informed that there was a problem, nor was he nor anyone else at Head Office consulted during this whole process (or lack of). Everything was a surprise, a shock, to him as well.

Later that week Cris had a meeting with Dave during which Cris asked a lot of questions. The answers were vague and did not resolve anything in our minds. Cris wanted to know why he was being fired. Dave's answer was because some people found Cris offensive. Cris wanted to know why the proper biblical process was not followed in dealing with him and why he was not offered the option to reconcile with these people. Cris wanted to reconcile with these people even though he was leaving because he cannot stand broken relationships. He gets physically sick when he knows he is in broken relationship with someone, even if he does not know who that someone is. Dave's response was that there was no one who he needed to reconcile with. No one was specifically hurt by him, so there was nothing to reconcile over (This is where I got real confused). No one was angry at him or felt bad towards him and it wasn't anything specific that Cris had done and it wasn't any specific person who was hurt. So, no specifics. That was where my mind got all jumbled and I don't remember much more of the meeting.
Cris wanted to know if it was a performance-related problem, and Dave have an exuberant "No!" And expressed that the church thought Cris was doing a great job leading the youth ministry and reaching out evangelistically.
So then what was it??
Cris did speak his mind. He said that he felt that Dave had betrayed him. He said Dave could have at least had the decency to let him know what was happening. He said that during his 3 & 1/2 years Cris had always stood up for Dave when it came to the council, but Dave didn't stand up for Cris. Cris felt as though Dave should have had his back. They were supposed to be partners in ministry. He felt as though Dave had failed him in a big way.
I didn't say anything for the whole meeting. I wasn't really addressed by Dave, which is a good thing, because I would not have had anything nice or appropriate to say and it is quite likely that only curses and profanity would have escaped my lips. Not only was I deeply hurt, but the man I love most was hurt - even more deeply.

We still don't really get what went down. The whole story is not being told. And as more is revealed to us, I get even more confused.

Some history:
In the summer of 2006 Cris and I had a few brief discussions about whether or not we still belonged in Bragg Creek church. We talked unseriously about looking for other pastoral postings in the area. Our end response was that we just liked it here and we would wait for confirmation outside of us before we would move on. I never dreamed the confirmation would come about the way it did. What gets me is that Cris talked openly about this with Pastor Dave. He said to Dave in July or August 2006, "You know, I'm wondering if it isn't my time to go." Dave's response was "I'm not willing to go there yet." So we figured this was confirmation that we should stay longer. Little did we know that Dave would "go there" just 5-6 months later without even discussing it with Cris. It has been confusing and almost suffocating to emotionally work through what happened and how I'm feeling about it.

At a later meeting with Dave in February this year, Cris asked again why he was being fired. Dave opened up a little more and said something about some people thinking that Cris was arrogant. Now, I live with the guy. He's not an arrogant man. Yes, he is aggressive. Yes, he is passionate. He is outspoken. He is a to-the-point kind of guy. He is confident. But not conceited. And not abusive in any way. So the perception of Cris was faulty in my opinion. And we still don't know who perceives Cris in this way. And Cris still cannot rectify it with anyone who was hurt.

The letter the council gave Cris said that the Elders were in full knowledge and support of this decision to terminate Cris' employment. We later, in talking to an elder, found out that his "knowledge" of this was that he got a phone call from GH (council member) saying that they just wanted to let him know that they were terminating Cris' employment. This particular elder was not asked what he thought nor if he supported it. He was surprised but due to the history between Elders and council members he knew he didn't have a say because they were a very "stand-offish" closed group who wanted to run the show by themselves. And I guess legally speaking, the council is the one with the power. So I have a hard time believing that the Elders were involved in the decision-making. And to be honest, if I was in a position of leadership and someone else in a position of leadership told me that they and a few others thought so-and-so should leave the church, I wouldn't question it too much. Because if you have someone in spiritual leadership over you who is not wanted even by a small percentage of the leadership of a church, it doesn't make sense to fight for them to stay because there will always be people who are refusing to follow and it will just create discord among people who have differing opinions. And why deal with conflict when you can just get rid of it? I'm not saying it was the right thing to do...but it does seem like the easiest thing to do. But we are still faced with the unanxwered question: what was the conflict?

The letter the council gave Cris also stated that all the information contained in the letter surrounding the details of his employment termination and severence would be held in the 'strictest confidence'. A week later my friend (who is linked closely to a council member) says something about how it was good that Cris had 4 months of severence so we were okay financially for a while. Neither Cris or myself told her anything about any severence nor the amount of severence. So my trust in the council was not only shaken, but now I am feeling really sick about it because the leadership of this church who make decisions for the church that is attended by many many many people who I dearly love, cannot even follow their own guidelines or keep their own oaths.
Now, I don't care if the whole world knows that we are getting 4 months of severence. Let the whole world know. I don't know why it was supposed to be some secret in the first place. And I don't view it as a great wonderful act on the part of the council as some people do, because the laws of the land say that they are required to give us that much (well...they are actually giving us half a month more than they legally have to, so I guess that is big of them).

Now, I have some conspiracy theories of what went down in the council. (I'm getting all CSI-ish now.) But I don't think I'll share them because they aren't factual. And what I would have to say is just not nice and down-right judgemental.
But something to take note is that some of the churched kids (council members kids included) failed to connect with the youth ministry. And it didn't seem to be a problem to these families, but you never know if there is underlying resentment or hurt if their kids didn't connect. Quite frankly, my attitude was "Who cares??" These youth are getting spiritually fed in their homes. It seemed so much more important to me for the youth ministry to reach the unchurched kids who were buying in, coming from broken homes and crappy circumstances. So why should Cris focus his energies on kids who 1) didn't need him, and 2) didn't want him? Especially when there were so many kids who both needed and wanted him.

I'm just winding down here...
The part that upset me the most was that I believe that Dave knew that Cris would have resigned if only they had asked him. First of all, Cris had talked to Dave about how he was thinking it was him time to leave, and second of all, no pastor in their right mind would stay in a church if the leadership team came to them and said "We'd like you to resign." They could have worked something out that didn't look so suspicious and that didn't cause a lot of questioning and hurt to the congregation, youth, and us.

I am sure that the council think they handled everything appropriately. I have a different view point. I have to think that they just don't see what was wrong with how they handled things. I still believe that the council is comprised of godly people. Someone told Cris last week that godly people can do ungodly things and still remain godly. I don't really know how that works, but it is true that all the people on council are human (well, to the best of my knowledge they are) and that humans are just that....human. We screw up all the time, right? That's why we aren't gods. Because we mess up too much.

The bottom line of everything here is that we don't disagree with their decision for us to leave. We had felt God's prompting as well, and now I'm starting to wonder if we were just disobedient in waiting for confirmation from the church instead of seeking God more deeply for confirmation from Him. Maybe this is our punishment for not pursuing God further when we initially thought it might be time for us to leave.
So, we don't disagree with the decision, we just thought the process was horrible.

In hindsight, I can see God preparing us for this - sort of. I'm sure it will get more clear as time goes on.
Over our Christmas holidays, I had checked on-line several places to see if I could find any pastoral opportunities in a few different churches...just to see what was out there. I don't really know why I did it. Also, this past Christmas when we were driving out of Prince George heading back home, Cris said to me, "I could live here." Which really shocked me. I mean, really shocked me! The only good things Prince George has are my parents, their friends, and my sister and brother-in-law and his family who live there, and a really great swimming pool with freakin' cheap admission. So God was preparing us mentally.

The support we have received from others has been overwhelming. Overwhelming in a good way. We have been reminded that God validates the call on our lives, not people. We have been advised that we will either go on to serve others out of brokenness or out of bitterness and we have already chosen to not carry bitterness away. I mean, it might take some time, but I can already feel such a change in my heart this week that has come about because God is so gracious with me. We have also talked to others who have gone through similar situations....all of them pastors except one.

If you are a worshipper at BCCC (I'm not sure if anyone from there actually reads my blog regularly....I think it's just sort of random for a few people), please remember that this is my version of what has happened. If this information is sitting uneasily with you, I urge you to speak with the council. (I hope I don't get in trouble for writing about this since I think they wanted to keep it all a secret or "confidential" or whatever you'd like to call it. We don't like secrets like this...things kept in the dark leave room for sin to creep in. If they are brought into the light, the darkness cannot exist in it.) I do believe that God's hand is on them and that they can still make right decisions even though I think they messed this one up. Don't withhold from God's church. BCCC is a great church full of totally wonderful people. God has great things in store not only for us, but for the church we are leaving behind.

I cherish the relationships I have made with many people in the church. Many friendships are continuing to flourish and strengthen even though I am not part of the BCCC church body anymore...even though we were asked (or told, whatever) to leave. I have never never felt as loved by a church as I felt loved by this church. We have been blessed in many ways. Many many ways.

Ha! Did I say a few paragraphs earlier that I was winding down? I guess I wasn't really winding down.....

Actually, now I really am winding down...

*whew*. I feel so much better having written all this. I hope this clarifies some things for the people who want to know what is going on with us. I know it has clarified some things for me. I have learned so much in the past 2 weeks. I'm glad that I can take some positive things away from this experience. And hopefully leave the negative behind, right?

Cris' Fabulous Wife

Guess what I ate for breakfast this morning??

Birthday Cake!!

And it was so good!

In my defense, it had real whipped cream on it with strawberries. So even though it isn't a complete food, I did get some starch from the bread food group (okay, okay...a lot of starch...and sugar, lots of sugar), the whipping cream is part of the milk food group and the strawberries? Well everybody knows that strawberries are an excellent source of Vitamin C!!

Cris' birthday was yesterday, hence the birthday cake in the house. He turned 30!

And I gave him an awesome birthday time!

Since it was Sunday, we did the right thing and started our day off with going to church. And I was really glad we did because the pastor included some good points in his message (which I failed to hear because I was pacing around the church with Baby T trying to keep him relatively quiet and happy). One of the points was so timely for Cris, that he wrote it down on his arm. The point was "You have an enemy who will do anything he can to keep you out of the game." It was important because I have been encouraging Cris to get out of full-time ministry (I'm such a great pastor's wife - I'm saying this with a sarcastic tone) and he has been unseriously contemplating it but at the same time knowing that God was still calling him to remain in full time ministry.

After the service we went out for lunch. It was a nice time. Although I was anxious to get home to give Cris his gifts...

He got spoiled this year by moi. And I was happy to do it. I gave some of the credit to Elijah and Toviel even though they didn't deserve it and even though Elijah totally wrecked a surprise by saying to Cris on the day before his birthday, "We got you a present. We got you a drill." I had tried to get it through Elijah's head that it was a to remain a surprise until Cris opened the gift. Anyways, Elijah and Toviel gave Cris an 18 volt cordless drill (I know, I know, I'm a fabulous wife) and 2 dvd's. One of the movies is "A Knight's Tale" and the other one is a movie that neither of us have heard of...but it was cheaper to buy it than rent it, and sometimes movies like that turn out to be pretty good because you have such low expectation of it. Alec Baldwin is in it, so it can't be too too bad.

I gave Cris a paintball gun.

I am a fabulous wife!!

I don't know too much about it except that it was expensive, it's fairly heavy, and it looks mean. It is apparently an exact replica of a Glock hand gun. That means nothing to me, but know this - it looks and feels real, except it's a paintball gun. It is Cris' "side arm"...his second gun. Apparently you need more than one gun to properly play this game.
I am really lucky that one of the guys on Cris' paintball team owns a paintball business and just happened to have a Glock in stock. And he knew exactly what Cris wanted, so all I had to do was drop off the money and pick up the gun. Easiest shopping ever. Best gift ever.
I had waited until the last minute to get it for his birthday because the previous weekend was Cris' going away parties - one from the BC3 youth group and the other from the church. I was soooooo positive that the youth group was going to buy him a paintball hand gun. And I was so disappointed because I thought the event was poorly planned and was nothing special at all (although I did get to play one round of lazer tag with Cris and we both really enjoyed that) and there was no group gift as a token of thanks. I cried most of the way home because I was hurting for Cris. And then I went out and bought him a gun myself.
And no, I don't think it is silly. I mean, I say I think it's silly, but I don't really believe that. It is his hobby (along with sewing - heh heh) and it really is a lot of fun. And as far as hobby's go, if you compare it to skiing or golfing or playing hockey it is a really really cheap hobby. And one day I bet that I will get to play with that gun in a game of paintball.

Moving on...
Cris played with his gun for a bit and then we went for a walk. As we were heading out he went to sit on a bench in our garage that was covered with a blanket. Underneath the blanket were 2 cakes. And so, as he almost sat on the cakes, he also discovered that there were cakes - 2 of them - in the garage. shoot. I knew I couldn't hide my secret any longer. I was throwing him a surprise birthday party.
He had actually been putting peices together since the day before and figured it out before he sat on his cakes. But the cakes were the cincher. double shoot.

So, I have some tips for anyone planning a surprise party:
1) Don't come home with lots of chips, pop, veggies, 3 types of dip, chocolate, brushetta, crackers, cakes, and other goodies that don't normally hang around the house and think that you can put them away or hide them without your significant other seeing them. You can't.
2) Don't count on your significant other coming home from a meeting out of town when he is intending to come home. He may say he's coming home around 10pm on Saturday night, but what he might mean is that he's coming home at 10am on Saturday morning. So you can't count on hiding snacks and food from him.
3) Don't count on your significant other's friends to handle things in an unobvious way. Their friends might call to talk to you about the impending surprise, and when your significant other answers the phone, their friend might say, "Oh hey! What are you doing home? I thought you weren't going to be home until later tonight." Your significant other will then wonder why the heck their friend called in the first place.
4) Make sure your pants pockets are deep enough that when doing your daily tasks and caring for your children, lists of food and people will not fall out the pocket onto the middle of the bathroom floor where your significant other will then see them and read them.
5) Don't decorate. Just plain don't decorate.
6) Don't put the cakes in a place where there is even the slightest chance that your significant other will sit on them by accident.
7) Or...the easiest yet might just be to plan all surprise parties at someone else's home. It will be easier to keep it a surprise and you don't have to remember all these tips.

It was a great party. But not a great surprise party. Our first guest arrived at 6pm and our last guests left at 2am. And we had a ton of fun.

(We also have lots of food left over, so if anyone wants to come over....come on over! It's not like either of us have a paid job that we have to go to every day. We're just hangin' out.)

I really enjoyed Cris' 30th birthday!! I hope we can do it again sometime.
Happy 30th Birthday Cristin! oxxxxxo